I’ve been rather absent from the blog during lockdown as I had nothing to say in the pantheon of opinion that had filled the internet. Instead I chose to spend my time mostly eating biscuits and assuming that what will be, will be.
There are consequences however to at least half of this approach and that is you become fat.
I became even fatter during the lockdown – ballooning to over 85kg.
I walked past a mirror one day with a giant slab of cake in my hand, having difficulty breathing and realised I had fucked myself up.
‘You fat fucking bellend,’ were my exact words. The GingaNinja has already started the process of removing the biscuits and sweet treats from the house as she too had realised that we had both treated lockdown like a unlimited visit to Mr. Wonka’s chocolate factory.
I realised that none of my clothes fit and that I was down to my last half a dozen running tops that didn’t go immediately skin tight in a size ‘L’. It was these little things and the fear that my daughter might think this was good behaviour made me rethink things.
I also spent a lot of time working at the kitchen table during lockdown with a view out onto the street I live on and noticed a curious daily behaviour of one of my neighbours – daily take-away orders (once available). Now that’s their choice and I am not judging the rights or wrongs of this for them but it became a real point of incentive for me – I don’t ever want to find myself feeding the whole family from KFC, McDonalds and Dominos.
I was motivated, internally, to act.
I weighed myself at the end of June and coming in at 87.7kg proved to be the final straw that I needed to get back on it.
I decided to go cold turkey, there would be no sliding into a change of pace, straight down to 1200 calories a day and exercise as often as I could manage it with the addition of doing other types of activities that might address my occasional lethargy about running.
I bought a couple of kayaks, a stand-up paddle board, multi-gym and thanks to the influence of instagrammers @wonky_wanderer and @loopy279 I tried my wetsuit on again and added in a trisuit and some OW swimming kit and found a lagoon I can go to.
I’ve cleaned off the bikes, bought a weeride tag-along bike for the child to join me, returned to hill hiking and I’ve been committed to this. I’m also using all of this kit to help my achieve my aims and between the water sports, running and even dance I’m finding that breathing is better, weight is shifting and clothes are starting to fit better.
The best thing is that both the GingaNinja and I are all over this and we are both focused on becoming fitter, stronger, faster and just generally better. It is that togetherness that makes this whole thing possible and if one of us fails then inevitably both of us fail – however, wobbles are being ironed out and managed. I mean don’t get me wrong I’m hungry way too much of the time but I have a new appreciation for the food we are eating.
Every day starts with Weetabix and finishes with an Options Hot Chocolate and in the middle there is a shitload of coffee to keep me going. I haven’t looked at chocolate in months, I’m cooking more and eating better – it’s not perfect but since that first weigh in I’ve dropped just over 12kg and I’m happy about that but I’ve still got another 11kg to go and the toning work needs to be done as I approach my 43rd birthday.
At my height the recommended low weight is about 64kg and that is where I am aiming. My old boss and I used to joke that every snickers bar took me a step further away from fitting into my compressport kit, well GCJ, I intend getting into it this time and staying in it!
Now here’s your part;
Lots of the people who read this will know me from the ultra running and ultra racing scene, many of you will have met me and had to put up with my near endless poo stories. So, if you see me at a race or running and you think I’m about to tuck into a sweet treat that is going to deny me the prize of fitting into that tiny compression top then you have my permission to spout the most vitriolic, offensive, fat shaming you can think of.
Fat shaming is rightly considered horrific, so many people suffer with both the physical and mental side of weight issues, but for me being fat shamed serves only to fire my desire to do better. Yes I’ve written before about my issues with body shape / body image, weight and the mental battle that is ongoing but please – I put myself in this position and I’m asking for your help.
When a fellow ultra runner told me last year (before the big weight gain) that ‘I’d put some beef on’ I was so horrified that I started to do something about it – sadly I slipped off the wagon. However, this time I feel like I’m approaching it in a more rounded way and part of the rounded approach is people not saying ‘well done’ but saying, ‘get it sorted you stupid prick’. And remember the more offensive the better – very seriously though don’t take this approach with anyone else, it really isn’t for everyone and will most likely offend, hurt or worse those less able to deal with such hateful terminology.
And my part;
Well I just have to remain committed and that very much starts with my attendance at the 55km Ultra North in just a couple of weeks time.