#Disgusting Toes: do not read

Toes: looks at us

UltraBoy: I can’t, you disgust me

Toes: we do so much for you

UB: but you also ruin my life

Toes: how can you say that? We drag you round races, help you stand, wiggle provocatively in the direction of good looking ladies and even curl up when you’re feeling sick

UB: All true but it’s the other things like…

Toes: like what???

UB: well I was just going to say…

Toes: oh the blisters?

UB: well for a start

Toes: your fault, inadequate preparation

UB: yes but second biggest toe grew too long which is why it rubs, some responsibility must be yours for that? A failure to stop growing is…

Toes: you’re now blaming me for growing in proportion?

UB: well…

Toes: no, no – let’s explore this

UB: I’m just saying your disgusting
Toes: so what you’re saying is that your inadequate foot preparation, your toe waxing, your near constant toenail biting, wearing inappropriate footwear and your over running are in some way my responsibility? The fact your toes bleed each night is something you think is a problem with me and not you and that you have bits of skin so hard that you have to dig them out of my like some cack handed surgeon? You UltraBoy are unreal! Long before you became a long distance runner you had the worlds worst toes – running just gives you an excuse to blame me!

UB: but…

Toes: don’t interrupt, your toes are in full rant mode – which is spectacular because we have no mouth through which we can speak but still we demand a bit more respect, perhaps even a visit to the doctor so that those ingrowing toenails can be removed, so that all that epic hard skin can be treated and so that when you look at me, when you gaze down at your two little buddies found constantly at the bottom of your legs you think, ‘they aren’t bad’.

My toes had a point but I’m a childish and vengeful and so sat in my bathroom I yanked at my big toe and pulled out the enormous heap of dead skin and nail that had been digging deep into my toe for the last three months – blood spurting across the floor I raised the sharp, tough mess of skin and nail aloft and cried a bit.

I need to go to a doctor and insist that all my nails are removed as I think this may solve a lot of my toe running problems – but it might leave them unprotected. If anyone has managed to reach the end of this blog post then I’d be keen to hear from runners who have elected to have their toenails removed on a permanent basis and about their post removal running experiences. My toes are furious I’m contemplating this but I believe it’s in their best interests.

Finally below is the sharpness that’s been digging into the side of my big toe for three months. This is fair warning – dead skin alert!!! Dead nail alert!!!!

20140127-104323 am.jpg

Doesn’t look like much does it? Let me guarantee it has hurt like a bugger every time I’ve run. My toes should be glad I pulled it out!

  1. I may have mentioned this before but you are a freak and shouldn’t be allowed out.

  2. bpangie said:

    Nice. In the summers I run in huaraches a bit, lets my nails ‘heal’ a bit, but not much. From all the beating down they get I am permanately missing at least three, and two are nubs that seem to not grow. Would insurance pay for toe nail removal?

    • Being British allows me the benefit of the NHS and I’m hoping a lovely doctor would do it for me without the need for insurance

  3. mia79gbr said:

    Sounds as though there’s a toenail mutiny happening … careful! They’ll elope with your trainers and then you’ll be sorry.

  4. Hahaha that starts off funny and ends up toe curling (no pun intended).

  5. Um. Have you considered befriending a chiropodist? Seems far less drastic.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

really (not) a runner

rambling about my running journey

The Running Princess

Life is a marathon! Musings from a Scottish girl who loves running, yoga, reading, Paris, cats and wants to be a Disney Princess!

Adventures With My Shoes

Random write-ups of races and adventures

Trot Thoughts

What to do if you see a naked man, and other mildly helpful tips for runners.

Pyllon - ultra runner

Seeking asylum in the hills & transcendence on the trails



The Runtron Diaries

Running. Cake. Random.

Gabrielle Outdoors

Journeys of a varying kind


An introduction to ultra running

Running on Full

Random thoughts, used to be about running


Rule 11: When the job's done, walk away

Bearded bimbler

A runner, a hiker and a bearded man

Inadvertent Mooning

Observations from the Grumpy side of UltraRunning

The Unprofessional Ultra Runner

My attempt to crack some serious challenges in an unserious manner


“Life Is An Endurance Event”

rara's rules for living

Swim, bike, run, fun!

An academic in (running) tights

Blogs on education and running: My two passions

"Keep Running Mummy!"

Motherhood, marathons and more

Val's running blog

The trials and tribulations of a Jolly Jogger

%d bloggers like this: