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It’s time to return to blogging, something, that until I started typing, I didn’t realise I had missed. There is a time and place for all things in our life journey and it seems I have arrived at the time and place of injury and illness – or as you might call it, middle age.

I’ve now been sat unhappily at the injury and illness stop now for more than 18 months and don’t seem any further on than I was when I arrived here.

To continue a bus related metaphor, when I alighted the Covid coach and paid for my ticket to chest infection central I thought, ‘alright, let’s get this done with and then back to training’ but turns out I’d bought a return ticket and so got a double trip to both illnesses. I’m not complaining, I had it relatively easy compared to most, but my activity level nose dived and so I thought post Christmas 2022 I’ll buy a ticket to starting again on the January fitness kickstart bus.

The year started well, I picked up some new sports to try, skateboarding, landpaddling, SUP foiling, wing foiling, snowboarding and mountain boarding amongst others – there’s nothing like a mid life crisis to test yourself! I mention these sports because they are central to my return to the injury bus stop. That return was engineered during a very early lesson on a dry ski slope and a mere three weeks in to my journey to fitness and I flipped my snowboard and nearly ripped my ankle in two. Holy buggery – it was the most painful thing I’ve ever done – and I’ve had some painful things happen to me including being stabbed.

I told myself that a few weeks rest would fix it but I didn’t quite return to the bus stop, instead of resting, slowed down a bit, eased off and in that time managed to squeeze in 3 short distance races (Callandar 10km, Gartmorn 6, Bad Ass Trail) and therefore, I arrived back at the start of the bus stop feeling pretty smug. My smugness however was very short lived for when I ran to a jogging session I was met with excruciating pain and had to stop running instantly because sometimes you just know and I definitely knew this was bad.

Despite my dismay I told myself that this was simply an opportunity to test other routes to fitness and activity and so after several weeks of no running I headed off to my local hilly park with my mountain board and crucially, no helmet…

Yeah you know where this is going…

I had a lovely couple of hours on Easter Sunday battering down gentle grassy slopes and thinking to myself, ‘this seems pretty easy’ and so disappeared off to a steeper, slicker, grassy slope. I launched myself down the slope – with no thoughts for the safety of my head, until I realised I was out of control. It was at this point that I had a choice to make, option one – let the head take the landing, option two – lean into it and let my shoulder take the landing.

Well six months later, dozens of physiotherapy sessions and an MRI and I can still barely move my shoulder. It’s not a decision I regret but if I could have my time over I might have done something different like not go down the stupidly steep hill.

All of this means that my journey to wellness, my journey to fitness and my journey back to ultra running is as far away today as it was when this all started, more than 18 months ago.

I suppose the difference now, compared to the start of my lay off, is that I’m left wondering if I’ll ever manage to return to, in particular, ultra marathon running. It’s scary to think you might not be able to do the thing you love and as I put my medals into a box last week – out of sight – I had a sadness in my stomach that maybe I’ll never add to my haul of 60 Ultras, 25 marathons and nearly 200 other races of varying distances.

I suppose before I can get to those thoughts though I wonder if I’ll ever be able to exercise again? The combination of a shoulder injury injury on my right and an ankle/foot injury on my left means that basically all forms of exercise are off the table – kayaking, skateboarding, swimming, paddle boarding, land paddling, power kiting, etc aren’t achievable because my shoulder can’t handle it and running, hiking, walking, cycling, etc are off the table my ankle can’t handle it. I did quite a lot of snowboarding this year because oddly the boots support the ankle and I just try not to fall too hard and I’ve continued to canyon because there were significant events attached to that although the shoulder injury is now so painful that even canyoning might have to wait until it’s healed.

The end result of a lack of activity, besides not being very fit is that it leaves your head all over the place and this combined with having started a new job that I despise isn’t a healthy place to be. So what do you do? Well I’ve resolved to get my injuries fixed so that I don’t have to send emails to race directors anymore saying, ‘sorry signed up for your race but I’m ruined so please have fun without me’, get fit once the injuries are healed and then get a new job.

I’ve been riding the ultra marathon and adventure bus for more than a decade now and if I’ve got to sit at the inury bus stop for a while longer I will. However, as soon as I’m ready, and I see that adventure bus, I’m flagging it down and buying a one way ticket to joyous oblivion.

Road to redemption (and maybe a bit or ruin) please!

I know I am getting on in years, in 2019 I will reach the ripe old age of 42 and it seems inconceivable to me that I’ll make it to 50. I mean I’m falling apart and my family medical history isn’t screaming, ‘welcome to long life’. Every inch of my beleaguered body calls to me daily demanding that I ease off or better still, retire.

Vitality

It seemed to me a good idea that I should sign up to things like income protection, life insurance, etc and for a number of years I had a rather unobtrusive policy that simply sat in the background presumably never doing anything other than waiting for the day I needed it. However, on a fine October morning my excellent financial advisor suggested to that I consider Vitality as an option. He said that given my lifestyle (outdoors and active) that I would benefit from the multitude of (ever changing) schemes and offers that they put forward. Plus the cover was mildly better, the premiums were mildly lower and it all seemed pretty sensible.

I signed up.

Now let me explain a bit about Vitality with its swanky marketing and how I feel after my first year of use and why I now avoid the doctor.

The marketing of Vitality is all about the benefits, earn a weekly coffee, get a nearly free Apple Watch, half price Garmin, get half price trainers, get cinema tickets and on the surface that seems lovely. However, it’s not that simple and the old adage is true, ‘there’s no such thing as a free lunch’.

The Experience

Upon signing up and downloading the app you fill in lots of information and connect tech that will support your collecting of points. This collecting of points determines your Vitality (premium) level up to and including Platinum. You are given the opportunity to submit health readings, take examinations, etc and have this data fed into the ‘machine’. Once the machine has been sated you are given a Vitality age and advised on the what’s best to do to be fitter and healthier.

So far, so fine.

It’s then that you realise you’re locked in and have to do the work to make sure that your premiums don’t sky rocket and that you reach the maximum level possible. Again this is fine, you’ve signed up for something and so you are committed.

As an iPhone user I took the decision to get the Apple Watch through Vitality to use as my fitness tracker. I wouldn’t normally have done this but Vitality refuses to directly support my plethora of Suunto devices. This was a minor irritant as the Apple Watch is absolute rubbish and I feel for anyone that paid for one of these things. Now as a reasonably fit and active person I assumed that reaching my daily goal of steps or activity would be pretty easy but I found that this wasn’t always the case.

The reason for this was simple I’ve often found the desire of active people to track ever last iota of activity they do to be a little tiresome and as such I’ve never been a numbers athlete, until three weeks ago I’d never even used Strava). The problem that this caused was that in the early months I would forget to track activity or I would only put the watch on half way through a day and this meant I was chasing activity, especially on days where I was not running.

This was clearly a mistake I was making and one that I rectified pretty quickly but it was made all the more challenging by the fact we were in the middle of the hardest part of our move to Scotland. I would often find myself stopping at service stations and trying to build up extra steps even as I was in the middle of 900 mile round driving trip.

The crux of it was, for me, that I was being driven regardless of my situation on any given day to HAVE to exercise or be financially penalised for it. I would run 60 miles in a race on a Sunday and know that this had the same value as the person who ran for 30 minutes and the real annoyance here was not the imbalance – not at all – the annoyance is that no matter what state I was left in I felt forced to put my running shoes back on and exercise the day after a race.

This left me in something of a quandary as I look back on it and rather than motivate me to exercise more regularly I felt disenchanted with the idea of ‘having’ to do steps or exercise or whatever. I found that rather than improving my wellbeing it was having the opposite effect – my mental well-being was suffering and I was committing to the bare minimum of exercise to get ‘over the line’.

This culminated in my effectively withdrawing from any of the real running training I would traditionally do and just do the thing that got me the 8 points the quickest. What was the result of that? Understandably, my ultra running suffered, races that should be well within my ability suddenly felt like trials and I began to fear racing.

The negative spiral continued, manifesting itself as comfort eating and I found myself gaining weight, battling my body image issues and struggling to motivate myself to do any exercise. It was a nasty place I’d managed to get myself in and I could not find the motivation to get out – I was also much more difficult to live with and the GingaNinja would note my anxiety about having, ‘not got that days points’ and then seeing me stuff a giant slice of cake in my pie hole!

I realise that I might be an extreme case but the promise of Vitality inspiring you to do more has had the exact opposite effect on me.

And then there is the other side of it…

Medical

So, insurance is insurance but what do you do if you have a problem with say your back? Followers of my ultra adventures will probably know that the last couple of years have been plagued by DNFs – brought on mostly by lower back pain during races. I figured it was something and nothing for a while and had extensive privately funded physiotherapy which helped to keep me running. The problem however, refuses to go away and I don’t feel like I can see a doctor about it.

The reason? Insurance!

I’m confident my back can be fixed but I’m also confident that Vitality and any future insurer would consider this a future exclusion – especially as I’ve seen the piss poor excuses given to refuse cover to other perfectly healthy potential customers. Given my relationship with Vitality has so far not been filled with joy I’m weighing up whether to remain with them and therefore I don’t want my back concerns to sit on my record. But that thought goes further I was genuinely concerned about going to the doctor recently to ask about changes in moles and whether I might have skin cancer – how ridiculous is that? Thankfully I decided to say ‘fuck it’ and get a potential cancer threat checked out.

Less life threateningly is the need to get my ten ingrowing toenails sorted, this too has been delayed by my wondering what impact this will have in the future and who will cover me if I do have them done. I mean my feet are valuable to me as an ultra runner (never mind day to day bimbling around).

Currently I can perfectly legitimately and honestly declare that I don’t have any diagnosis of any major problems – even if this 42 year old body feels more like a 72 year old – but the moment I do have a diagnosis for something insurances suddenly become more problematic.

The future

Now in my second year of Vitality, and having reached their highest status, I remain uneasy about this policy. My mental well-being the (perhaps) unintentional victim of the pressure Vitality applies took until very recently to start its recovery. I would hasten to add to there were other circumstances that contributed to this being a hugely stressful time but I am confident that Vitality was very much a significant part of it. Balancing my new life has very much helped and the Vitality issue does not seem as severe but it does still weigh on me and I do find it a disincentive to stay healthy.

As a note I should most certainly say I’m immensely grateful to my family who have been excellent in supporting me finding my own motivation again (mainly by signing up to a shitload of ultra marathons, despite the back issue)! Thanks guys.

This all sounds mildly ridiculous when you begin writing it down but I when I’ve discussed this with other Vitality users I’m realise I’m not alone.

I do want to be clear though I’m not writing this to decry Vitality, this is an example of a corporate monster putting a slick gloss (with freebies) on an otherwise rather dull product – and for some it will provide the incentive they need to sort their health out but there is another side to it. Vitality would probably argue that they are helping to beat the obesity crisis that the UK faces and doing it with carrot rather than stick, I simply feel that the carrot they’re using is rather stick-like.

Ultimately this is my opinion and experience of Vitality and all I would suggest is that if you’re considering some form of incentives/rewards based health scheme then ask all the detailed questions about the implications of it and how it will affect your current lifestyle.

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