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‘That’s right Kathryn … just like a bear I like taking a shit in the woods’ – these were the words I left my boss with as she went on to her annual leave. She’s American, not 100% sure about my deadpan style of humour and it amuses me to tell her I leave big pooey deposits in the woods and then simply hang up the phone. You may call this childish and in fact it is but talking about it brings me to a problem that has been causing me nonstop grief for my last few races … that’s right the pre-race poo and the effect of not having it.

Now this is the final warning you’re getting, this post may contain words like poo, dump, turd, anal sphincter, streaky, sloppy or worse, you have been warned.

So far in 2015 I’ve raced 7 times and of those 7 races I’ve had problems on 4 occasions.

Let’s start at the Vigo 10 where my lack of ability to use the facilities (in this case because of forgetfulness) caused me to squeezing my arse cheeks together from about mile 2. There is no doubt that my need to keep my peachy cheeks pursed will definitely have had an effect on my time at the race.

The Brands Hatch Half came next and this time my need to use the facilities wasn’t seemingly needed until about mile 3 of the race – thankfully I was able to pull in at one of the facilities later in the race (but I had already used the facilities fully that morning). I mean seriously body, could you not hang on?

Next up was the SDW50 – the good news is that on an ultra I’m always prepared for this eventuality (poo bags and shit roll) but I was lucky that I wasn’t caught short until well beyond mile 40 and actually it would be more problematic to stop and shit than simply keep going. The bonus here was I’d managed to visit the little boys room at the start and despite my fear that my deposit was simply an uncorking it proved just the tonic to get me most of the way around. However, I had been concerned that very much like the 2014 edition of the SDW50 I might have to find a discreet place and do like the bears do. Weirdly I had a little smile as I went past the place I had stopped last year, not so much happy memories as glad I wasn’t stopping there again.

And finally to the Darent Valley which despite only being a 10km proved that ‘poo’ can fuck you over whenever it wants. I knew it was going to be a problem because it was an 8.30am start, I needed to leave the house by 6.40am and I was cycling on rough roads and toughish hills – all these things have a habit of making me need the loo.

I was aware on arrival that my morning visit to mr armitage and mr shanks would be due shortly but the brewing of my morning offering would be incomplete before the race commenced. What to do? History has shown that running and needing to have a crap causes all sorts of physical and mental problems but trying to force Mother Nature is probably never a good idea 10 minutes before the race begins.

There was no compromise I was going to have to run with ‘the urge to go’. With a bit of luck and a fair wind (poor choice of words) I’d be back in 45 minutes or so and could then avoid the large crowds of people queueing and make my call of nature.

However, more than on any other race this year the pain was excruciating, stomach cramps, sphincter clenching and a mental fear that I was going to douse myself in filth going up or down a hill was my only thought as I hit the second kilometre marker. You will of course be pleased to hear that I made it back to the finish without leaving any UltraBoy fecal matter on the mean hills of Kent but there is no doubt that the pain I was in and the urgent need to go is having an effect on my times and at the Darent Valley it was noticeable.

What’s Happening? Undoubtedly I get nervous pre-race and know that a lot of runners do and the galloping trots is not unheard of. Also not unheard of is the fear of using the portaloos/toilets – myself included. I will never forget the state of one of the toilets at C2C in the pub at the start line, the poo was poking above the toilet seat line – if you saw that you’ll never forget it, nor did you want to use it (additionally though I’d like to praise the organisation of the C2C team, the toilet issue was beyond their control).

Then there’s the shaking and the jiggling of the running (and in the case of my last 10km the cycling) which just makes everything that bit more mobile in the colon! And sometimes the effect of this is that you’ve simply got to go in public. My experience at my first SDW50 was so mortifying that it brings tears to my eyes simply thinking about it, but the worst bit was it took me more than 5 miles to find a discreet spot not too far off the course that I could relieve myself with some modicum of privacy.

What do I do? Well no chilli, no curry, nothing spicy, nothing too salty or sugary in the days leading up to a race – I eat bland food, increase vegetables and avoid things I know will upset me. I try and rotate my day round a little bit so that I can hopefully visit the little boys room earlier in the day without it feeling unnatural and I try and sleep more than I do in a normal week – all of this helps but I believe that my preparation for races in 2015 has been less structured and this might be the cause of my race day toilet disasters.

Curious? I’m somewhat curious about other peoples poor pre race toilet experiences and how they have coped with them? Not out of some weird fetish but more to see if there is something else I can do to resolve getting to the start line with stomach cramps or the need to be clenching inside! I can believe this is a post that won’t be to everyones taste (poor choice of phrasing again) but it is one of those topics that we have pretty all been affected by but avoid talking about because it is pretty grim.

  

  1. I’m still not recovered from injury
  2. The injury is unpredictable, one day it’s okay the next day it’s debilitating
  3. I’ve already done the SDW50
  4. My focus has to be the TP100, CCC and Saintelyon
  5. Sliced the back of my leg open last weekend

Of course I might decide to do it but I’ve been mulling this one over for a while and I remain unconvinced – and I don’t think I should be attempting an ultra (again) where I feel as though I’m going to fail before I’ve started.

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Country to Capital
Valentines Challenge
Virtual Runner RunChatUK 10km
St Peter’s Way Ultra
VirtualRunner March 10km
Sidcup 10
VirtualRunnerUK Sport Relief Triathlon
Tough15

The year is sixteen weeks old(ish) and I’ve already managed to amass ten new medals and two new event T-Shirts plus there are at least ten more races I’m involved in before the end of the year – five of which are upcoming in the next month:

South Downs Way 50
We Never Walked Alone 96
VirtualRunnerUK April 10km
VirtualRunnerUK April 5km
National 100km

Can I break my annual return on medals which currently stands at 25? At this rate yes but I’ll need some shorter distances and even more importantly I’m going to have to start planning my winter 2014 and 2015 races – especially with the arrival of UltraBaby on the horizon.

So to all of us happy planning and even happier running 🙂

Running ultra marathons is as much about your preparation as it is about the race itself, if you fail to turn up for the training then there is little chance of there being glory on race day. I’ve been in a bit of a constant lull over the last six months because of the increasing pain I have been suffering in my hips. At 2014s other completed ultras (Country to Capital and St. Peter’s Way) I’ve had other issues which have thankfully been more serious than the pain coming from around my middle, namely a split open leg at C2C and a chest infection at SPW. However, with increasing regularity the pain has become unbearable – especially when I look to push myself to beyond the 20 mile mark. This has meant that overall my training hasn’t been as thorough as it should have been and no amount of resting has offered any respite. Ultimately I’m now worried about running and thinking about my hips, and the more I think about them the more I’m likely to make an injury happen.

However, now with the SDW50 just a few days away I’ve finally booked in with a physio to see if they can grind my bones and muscles into enough shape to allow me to get through the race – I don’t need fixing at the moment I just need to remain strong enough to be on the trail. Funnily I’ve also finally started stretching and foam rollering on a consistent basis and while this is making a bit of a difference it’s probably not enough.

I’m fully aware that my entire body is a bit of a mess and I am falling apart but I’m committed to the challenges I’ve set myself, therefore April and May looks like a make or break time with three ultra distances in a month (albeit one of them a hiking challenge 96 in 36).

I’ve promised myself that if I get through the SDW50 (and WNWA96 and National100) I’ll get properly looked at and stop procrastinating, I might even accept whatever medicine that is thrown at me but for now, for this next race, I’m in a race against myself.

So can I finish the SDW50? The answer is ‘probably’ as I managed to finish the other two when I didn’t think it was possible. But do I want to make a fool of myself at this race? No of course I don’t – I want to finish well, probably in around 9hrs something would be nice but there’s the niggling feeling inside that says I should be grateful to come in under at just under 13 and a half hours.

If you’re running the SDW50 this weekend then best of luck and if you see me scrabbling in the dirt then please think kindly of me, perhaps even pat me on the back and tell me it’ll be over soon. Happy running.

I realise the phrase Project: ThunderClunge might be a hint offensive to many but believe me it is very appropriate for the situation I find myself in and in fact Project: ThunderClunge will adapt its name in about 100 days to Project: ThunderPunch which in context is actually probably more offensive but hohum.

What I’m trying to say is that this thing is actually having an effect on my ultra running! Arse!

The Project has managed to knock a bloody big three month window in my schedule without even hinting at injuring me further than I already am and this has meant some rejigging of my running schedule for 2014 and I’m now hoping that my entry into the CCC doesn’t come off because that’s at the eye of the storm. With all this in mind I’ve therefore been looking to cram more running into the first half of the year and towards the back end of the year. Thankfully I’m lucky enough that things like Country to Capital, St Peters Way and SDW50 will remain unaffected and touch wood NDW100 won’t take a hit either. I should then just be coming out of the other end of Project ThunderClunge to be able to compete in the Winter 100 if Centurion ever make any more announcements .. I’m on edge about getting a place for that one .. anyway I was looking round for another 2 UTMB point run and had seen the Pilgrims Way and thought that would be ace but just my luck – it had sold out. I started the search again and not fancying travelling up to the Lakes or Wales because of the distance and difficulty in reaching the start lines I looked a little closer to home. Annoyingly the company Ultra Trails has now folded and so I couldn’t run with them again but there was the Race to the Stones which takes place not a million miles from my OHs parents home. I quickly checked with Twitter who described it almost universally as overpriced and a perhaps not the greatest race to run (especially of the ultra options in the area) and while I agree it is overpriced for the distance it fits in quite nicely with where I need to be and also my qualification aims for the 2015 UTMB. I’ve also managed to chat to a couple of chaps who had competed in it and their opinion that while it wasn’t the best route you’ll ever run it certainly wasn’t the worst and is a well organised and good event to do. Therefore I’m headed to the Race to the Stones in pretty good cheer, although £120 poorer, I’ll let you know in six months if I thought it was good value.

I’m now contemplating a few other bits to supplement my ultra running this year, probably highest priority is a triathlon and there are currently two that catch my eye, the first is the Bewl triathlon where I would hope to banish the much hated ‘Curse of Bewl Water’ and there is the Red Venom event in Southport, near Liverpool – this has the benefit of being near to my dad and I’d have a place to stay, transport, etc. Both have a lovely sprint distance available and there is the standard as well. The only other triathlon that I might consider would be the Midnight Man which is organised by the amazing people who brought us the Dartford Bridge 10km and they too have multiple distances available and I’m pretty sure I could be competitive at one of these.

In addition to this I’ve been invited down to the New Forest to run a 20 miler which could be good fun but the dates I think clash with other races in the season and so that one might be missed but I’m likely to sign up to both the British 100 and the Kent Roadrunner marathon because although I ran it last year I did rather enjoy it and both the National 100 and the Kent Roadrunner are at the Gravesend Cyclopark and I think a track base ultra marathon would be a uniquely excellent opportunity (or perhaps a very dull experience … we shall see). However, I’m normally the one hands out ideas for races but this year I’m a bit stumped, I’d like to a run more new races, so maybe the Ashford Half Marathon, but I fancy a few 10km, maybe a few adventure races like the Major Series or Wolf Run or even the Nuts Challenge but as with all of these there are only so many race days available and I have to be mindful of both my body and Project ThunderClunge.

So runners, what would you recommend for a race day this year? What are you running? And just how far will you push yourself?

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