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It’s hard to believe that it’s now more than 2 years since I last ran pain free and let me assure you it’s not an anniversary I want to celebrate. 

I remember it all started in March 2014, I had some nasty glute pain at the St Peters Way Ultra – one of my absolute favourite races – but it had taken second place that day to the chest infection I had. I could feel my glutes tightening as I ran and I remember saying to Mike Sokolow and Ian Shelley ‘you guys go on ahead, I’ll see you at the end’. I figured it was a something and nothing and after a few days it would calm down and never worry me again. Sadly it would worry me again and give me many sleepless nights.

I’d sadly not taken much rest post St Peters Way and had kicked on to complete four ultra distances inside 40 days (a 30, 45, 50 and 100 mile events). I was in a bit of a mess after this and missed both the Race to the Stones and the NDW100 – I found myself at the lowest ebb. 

Changing my physiotherapist helped and despite her repeated warnings, she enabled me to get roadworthy to face my final challenges of 2014 – Fowlmead and the Winter 100 – which I spectacularly DNF’d just a few weeks after the birth of UltraBaby. A disaster all of my own making.

Under pretty strict advice from my physio I finally stopped running, I deferred my Country to Capital place and I sat about doing not much for four months other than a bit of cycle commuting, eating cake and being miserable.

With a lot of hard work though I managed to return to running but it’s never been right and all the confidence I used to have as I approached races has now gone – I never know if I’ll get out of the blocks never mind get to the finish or I sit on start lines wondering whether I’ll blow up in spectacular fashion usually at the farthest, most inaccessible point from home.

I now start at the back of races, whereas before I used to start nearer the front and push forward – I used to run good times, in a reverse of the Tobias Mews phrase I’ve gone from ‘competer to completer’. I can’t express in words how shitty a feeling that is.

Despite the (sometimes excruciating) pain I run with I’ve managed a few decent efforts including the Green Man, the Saintelyon and the Thames Path 100 – nothing very quick because prolonged speedier racing narrows my window of running time available – but respectable enough – I just want more.

What I do know is it’s coming to a head and I’m going to need to get seen to, regardless of the implications. The pain I’ve been suffering with has increased in recent months and is putting me increasingly off training and ultimately racing (though I will be entering the Haria Extreme 100km later today).

Last night, is the perfect example, as I was running a moderately quick 5km all I could feel was the pain of my glutes and the hamstring burning – it was a depressingly familiar feeling. It was especially galling as I should have been enjoying my first proper shakedown of the Altra Instinct – a fine shoe by the way if initial running is anything to go by.

I look at runners in London, enviously imagining that they don’t get injured and that the pain they feel is simply from the burn of effort rather than the burn of injury. I don’t want to come across as self pitying as I realise it’s all my own fault and remains so as I’m lethargic and worried about seeing the doctor. 

I just wish I could have my time over and not push so hard during those early months of ultra running or have stopped when I knew something wasn’t right. Perhaps this is the reason I continue to push myself now because I’m concerned I won’t be able/allowed to ultra run any more and so I’m fitting in races now so when the time comes I just accept my fate.

If you take anything from this then please try and remember to curb your enthusiasm – just a touch – for the sake of a long, successful and colourful running career. It remains my biggest running regret and I would hate for you to share it with me.

 
I woke up this morning and my right arm and right leg hurt like hell. I stood in the shower hoping that warm water would awaken my ageing muscles – they didn’t and then I looked down and realised why – oh yeah I’d been hit by a car yesterday. 

I was at full pelt yesterday, bombing down Bond Street, when a woman stepped out in front of me and as I clipped her she pushed me (I presume accidentally) out into the path of oncoming, moving traffic. The result was inevitable I was hit by (thankfully) a relatively slow moving car but it was enough to spank me down the right side of my body and hurl me forwards and back on to the pavement.

On my knees I looked around to see that the woman was unharmed and had infact simply continued, without blinking, her overpriced Mayfair shopping experience. The car had either not noticed me or didn’t care and therefore hadn’t stopped, so I picked myself up, checked myself over for blood and gingerly jogged down to Charing Cross – a little the worse for wear and visibly shaken.

The thing I’m glad about is that I didn’t need an ambulance as I’m not sure anyone would have stopped to aid me – which I find a little sad, as there were clearly witnesses. So all you RunCommuters make sure you’re constantly vigilant, I was very lucky last night but it might not always be that way.

As an aside, there’s now the Green Man to consider, 2 days to go before a 45 mile ultra! I can only hope that the pain abates a little or I’m not sure I’ll make the starting line

Anyway, happy AND safe running chaps.

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Whilst this post seems like it’s going to be a never ending bag of ‘isn’t my running life shit’ I hope the ending for those of you who get there is worth it. This post was written in three sections over the last 3 weeks. And apologies for the moaning tone.

Day 1 of writing this post
My physiotherapist has been very generous and kind, she did all she could to keep me on the road until the end of my 2014 race calendar but with each medal won she gave me a gentle reminder that these races and in fact each run was making things worse. She advised me that while I was continuing to do long distance running I wasn’t giving my body the required amount of rest and therefore wouldn’t be injury free. Now though I’ve reached the end of my 2014 race calendar and she’s not being quite so nice.

Sat on her table at 1.30pm on a Sunday afternoon is quite a scary prospect. She listened as I explained about the explosion of pain at my last ultra, she listened as I highlighted the various points that have been troubling me and she grimaced as I went through the length of time I have been struggling with these things.

She told me the following; I’m not allowed to run for several months and that if I don’t want to be in pain for the rest of my days I need to sort myself out. She spoke to me in just the way I needed and deserved – like I’ve been being a child. She did say if I work hard I’ll get back to running – IF I work hard at it.

She’s known, as well I have, that this day was always coming and for me it wasn’t until she got really stern that I finally just went ‘ok’ and aort of just broke down. That was a week or so back and it’s been just over 10 days or so since I was halted in agony at my last ultra and I’ve been working like there’s no tomorrow to try and fix this but I’m not even sure why.

I feel more like giving up than making a comeback.

Stretching, core, strengthening, core, more core, more fecking core, did I mention fecking core? I’m told I’m not allowed to pass the point of pain because I’m pretty ruined and pain is bad in this instance. The only pain I’m allowed is when I jam either a tennis ball or the GingaNinjas elbow in my glutes (then I cry). I’m doing what I’m told but more because I’m being told and not because I want to. Have I lost my mojo or is this just how you feel post DNF?

Day 2 of writing this post
My motivation is zero to do other exercise and that’s now perhaps the worst thing, I can’t be bothered. I look at my epic amount of running kit I own and see nothing but failure, perhaps what I see is a great big eBay sale but ultimately I’m scared I’ll never run again, scared I’ll never run a Centurion hundred mile race, mostly I’m scared that I’m a failure. A chap I know (reportedly, I didn’t hear it directly) took great pleasure in announcing my failure at my last race, that hurt a lot because my aim has never been to say ‘I’m better than you’ it’s always been to say ‘look at what you can do too, let’s go’. So while my physiotherapist helps me put my body back together how do I put my head into the right space?

My partner has refused to let me cancel any of next years races, she says they are my targets and she’s insisting I enter the CCC when the ballot opens because she believes the lure of a big race will create in me the fight needed to break my lethargy. Maybe she’s right, maybe she isn’t. But right now I’m going through the motions to try and find some mojo, some anything if truth be told.

Day 3 of writing this post
18 months of stupidity have potentially ruined my favourite activity but last night as I lay down with UltraBaby in one arm and my iPad in the other watching Charley Boorman and Ewan McGregor heading through France in the excellent ‘Long Way Down’ I saw the mountain that originally inspired my love of ultra distances – the Mont Blanc – and although my desire to run that race has waned a little I felt all the desire to race to the top of it, through it, along it, around it. Even this morning as I feel the aching pain and sharpness running through my pelvis and right down into my foot I can hold on to that positive image of running once again up bitchingly steep elevations. As you can see I needed something and my glimmer of hope came from a most unexpected source at a most unexpected time and even if the end result is that I’ll never run properly again at least I’ll have tried which is a far cry from how I felt just a couple of weeks ago. Young Amy a wannabee ultra runner (SDW50 2015 entrant) told me only yesterday that time is a great healer – it seems she’s got a point.

On a final note I’ve been the recipient of some brilliant support. I’m not sure I appreciated it at the time as I was looking far too inward but I’m grateful and thankful for being a runner because we do support each other when things go wrong – so thank you.

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Back in training after a decent lay off was ace, I was burning the soles off many new pairs of running shoes, running the UltraMobile with UltraBaby, cycling extensively, swimming – even dropping weight (5kg in just over 5 weeks) and then I pulled my sodding hamstring and despite even more rest it’s still sore.

My awesome physiotherapist, Rosie, has been doing great work on it and she’s been forcing me to stretch and exercise gently to try and get myself up to speed without losing the momentum I’ve been gaining. However, it’s frustrating and with the Winter 100 now just a few weeks away it’s even more so – Rosie is fully aware I’m not pulling out and she appears even more determined than I am to get me to the start line.

So it’s now a race against a time.

On the positive news front I’ve now increased my cycling again and managed a 25.58 ParkRun yesterday and I’ve got my fingers crossed because Winter100 I’m going to try crush the life out of you 🙂 though in all honesty it might be the other way round.

‘It might be burstitis’ she said nonchalantly as UltraBoy looked over at the GingaNinja, her face told him everything he needed to know.

He’d been fearing medical attention since before he raced across the width of the UK at The Wall, he knew that his hips were in trouble and now this young physiotherapist was telling him it might be all over.

‘If it is, it’s early stages and we can hopefully get it under control’ she added as panic strode purposefully across the face of UltraBoy…

The realisation that running might be over for him is not something he is ready to face. UltraBoy was scared.

The reality is I’m in trouble but with four races to go between now and October I figure I can get through them them with a combination of physiotherapy, stretching and training – I can’t stop running yet. After that we shall see.

But what a physiotherapist, even though I’m an absolute cripple today she was able to work my hips properly which was awesome.

Pain, pain, pain, pain and more pain. The problem with pain when you run is that the bugger hurts.

Yesterday my back had been really sore which I assumed was a flare up of my back and hip trouble caused by my cycling on Sunday. Regardless of this I thought that a few kilometres wouldn’t hurt – how wrong can you be! Less than a dozen strides in I could feel my left foot smacking the ground rather than brushing it as it normally does and by the time is reached Marylebone High Street I felt like stopping. However, it was also freezing cold and had I stopped it would have been a chilly trundle down to the station and so I pushed on through the city, even making a sprint for the train but the throbbing in my hips, back and annoyingly my shin was hideous. I’ve run ultra marathons and been in less pain afterwards! However, despite the pain I did manage to run but I do need to reflect on the possibility that I’m over training and perhaps some more time on the yoga mat and in the pool might benefit me.

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